The Devil
A devil came down to our town. He was looking for a soul to steal,
But working all day as a devil was starting to lose its appeal.
His heart was just not in it - He lacked the Satanic Touch.
If truth be told he wasn’t that old, and he didn’t like deviling much!
He’d signed up via a handy app at Devilswork.com
Become a part-time devil. What could possibly go wrong?
At first it had all looked quite easy. At least from what he could tell.
Simply recruit lots of sinners, pack em off to the Gates of Hell.
But the Gates of Hell had been privatised and hellfire and damnation,
Was actually now brought to you by a multi-national corporation.
To some perhaps it’s no surprise that it might come to this.
That the greed of corporations leads to the Dark Abyss.
As always it was the workforce who suffered most in the free market,
And every month young devils like him were expected to hit their target.
For every batch of fresh sinners sent to the Fiery Gates',
Rewards were now determined by algorithmic piecework rates.
Every week he’d had a warning when he received his Satanic rota
That at the end of the day there’d be Hell to pay if he didn’t meet his quota.
To be fair he’d been trained to make Hell sound nice without ever once revealing
All the negatives of that fiery place that might make it seem less appealing.
But he was a young devil with a conscience and in truth had always been torn
About that particular line in the patter - Would you like to go somewhere that’s warm?
But anyway a few weeks in, it was obvious from what he’d seen.
An eternity in the Fires of Hell meant very few people were keen.
He was supposed to be finding devil’s work for idle hands to do,
But the idle were a lazy bunch and he’d signed up very few.
His enthusiasm was now tempered with the harsh realisation,
The Road to Hell is a pretty hard sell - its the hellfire and damnation.
Apparently the Fiery Gates were supposed to induce terror.
But he wasn’t convinced at all about that, clearly a marketing error.
Its obvious, or so it seemed, the devil was in the detail,
Thats why they should be learning lessons from modern retail.
A nice reception lounge with bean bags while you filled in your application.
Free cups of tea and biscuits to then lead them to temptation!
It would all be so much easier to do things the modern way,
An advantage card and bonus scheme if you sign up for Hell today.
He’d tried to tell the management that change was what was need needed,
But like bosses the whole world over his words had not been heeded.
But if they carry on this way they might get a big surprise,
The devils are busy making plans They’re going to unionise!
A fiendish federation. A devil’s bargain made.
A union of, devils, imps and demons and associated trades.
A picket line no scab dare cross outside the Gates of Hell.
Demands for better pay and benefits with holidays as well.
Ok maybe not much comfort to those who go through the Fiery Gates,
But at least they’ll know, in the fires below, they’re paying union rates!
