The Selsey Crab

All right then. I’m the Selsey Crab.

Get out of my way cos I’m fucking mad. 

I’m the ultimate Rockpool Brawler.

A hards as nails Seabed Crawler

Watch out for me round Selsey Bill.

Chop you up just for a thrill.

Claws of iron coming at you,

Could cut a conger eel in two.

Beat up those that cross my path,

Murder mackerel just for a laugh.

Shrimps and prawns had better scatter,

Or I’ll serve them up on a Seafood Platter.

Flatten flounders, sole and plaice

Smack a  shark right in the face.

Stop the dolphin’s happy frolics,

I’ll let you guess what I do to pollocks!

Beat the  whiting’s sorry arse.

Kick the dogfish, every time I pass 

Rip a herring into bits,

Tell the cod he’s had his chips.

Slice up sardines without a fuss,

Break the legs of octopus.

Serve up sprats as a tasty dish,

Trim the blubber from jellyfish.

Tie fishermen’s lines all up in knots,

Chew my way out of lobster pots.

Crabbing lines up on the quay,

I’ll pull your kids under the waves with me!

Swim my way, there’s no survivors

I snip the  pipes of  scuba divers

So better remember who I am

Or I’ll cut you a new smile with a razor clam!

Keep your distance or it will turn out bad.

You just don’t mess with the Selsey Crab.